The Nature We Leave Behind Us Gladly
by missparker85
Summary: Sam knows what is right and what is wrong and they are all just doing their best.


_We thank_  
_Calm, careful Minerva, goddess_  
_Of adults, who for so many years took us_

_To school: her voice the timbre of fretless bass,_  
_Her eyes the color of pencil lead, she taught_  
_Us how to behave in order to have our rewards_  
_In twenty years._

-Stephen Burt, from The People on the Bus.

**5.**

Daniel borrows Jack's truck to haul his old mattress to the dump and he finds Sam's sunglasses in the glove box. He's looking for a pack of tissues or a napkin or something to mop up the sneeze he just sprayed all over the steering wheel. He finds no napkin, just the sunglasses and so he wipes off the snot and spit with his sleeve and sets the sunglasses on seat for further inspection and contemplation later.

It's like seventy five bucks to give his old mattress and box spring to the dump and he hands the cash over bitterly. The company that delivered his new mattress would have taken the old one away for ten dollars, except that he kept missing his scheduled delivery dates due to being detained unexpectedly on another planet and the mattress store got fed up. So he's dumping the old one himself as well as picking up the new one.

It's a sleep number mattress. He's too old for wire springs. He sleeps on the ground a lot and got tired of coming home and deciding that the couch was more comfortable than his own bed.

"I thought those were for couples who couldn't agree," Jack had said when he'd mentioned it in an effort to secure the truck for Saturday afternoon. "Who you got sleeping on your other side?"

It had stung, weirdly. There was a time that it would have stung because his wife was missing or because his wife was dead, but now it just stung because there was no one on his other side and he wasn't even sure he wanted there to be.

"Same as you, I guess," Daniel had said and walked out.

Now, in the parking lot of the Mattress King, Daniel parks the truck near the front door, under a rippling banner that declares, "Nobody Beats The King!"

They are definitely Sam's glasses. It's not just that they're feminine and Sam's the only woman they spend time with. He's not assuming anything or inferring anything, because these glasses belong to Sam. He's seen them on her face dozens of times and also, he knows Sam pretty well. If she had ten pairs of sunglasses to choose from, she'd pick these and Daniel knows it. They're Sam's glasses.

So what are they doing in Jack's truck?

Maybe he gave her a lift and she forgot them. Maybe it was after work, twilight, and she took them off as the sun set and the sky turned that inky royal blue that came before the stars and the proper night sky. Or maybe Sam had left them at work at Jack had grabbed them, intent on returning them and then had forgotten to or was keeping them for some reason. Or maybe Sam had left them at Jack's house - they'd had a team night last week, except for Teal'c who'd been off with the Jaffa and nothing had felt quite right without all four members of SG-1 at a team night.

Or maybe the other half of Jack's bed isn't as empty as Daniel had thought.

The woman who walks up to help him in the mattress store says, "Oh," when he says his name, like he is a thorn in her side. "Drive around back."

The mattress is waiting for him, and two big guys watch him navigate it into the back of Jack's truck awkwardly. They do not offer help and he does not ask for any.

**4.**

Jack takes Teal'c fishing and leaves he and Sam behind. Which is fine - Sam says she will never go fishing with Jack or even set foot near that cabin and Daniel doesn't feel like it's necessary to ask her why. Daniel certainly doesn't want to go fight the bugs and the Minnesota "summer" where it's still so chilly at night. Plus, when he's actually on Earth, he sort of likes being in civilization. They spend so much time out in the desolate universe where societies are small and underdeveloped, that the urge to go to the middle of nowhere just doesn't occur to him.

SG-1 is on downtime, but just because Jack and Teal'c take vacation days, doesn't mean he and Sam have to, so they still go into work. There's always something to do, even if they're just working straight eights for a week. Daniel's got a warehouse full of off-world artifacts to catalog and puzzle over, even if there is nothing imminently pressing that needs his attention. And Sam is always swamped in work.

She disappears early in the day on Monday and he doesn't see her again before she goes home.

On Tuesday, they eat breakfast together and though he can't be sure, he thinks she wearing the same BDUs as yesterday, and the fact that she's eating pot roast and potatoes for breakfast makes him suspicious that she never went home.

"What are you up to today?" he asks.

"I think I'm gonna invent something," she says in a dreamy sort of way, like not only is she going to invent something, but it's already half done in her head. Daniel is reminded how cool Sam is - she lets Jack overshadow her a lot, but Sam can do things that the rest of SG-1 couldn't dream of if they had the rest of their lives to try.

"Neat," he says. "Have you thought about getting some rest?"

"I rest," she says defensively.

"Okay," he says.

"What are you going to do?" she asks.

"Catalog artifacts for transport to R and D," he says.

"Neat?" she asks, unconvinced.

"It is, kind of," he says. "Not discovering said artifact on alien planet level neat, but..."

He trails off as a SG-7 comes into the commissary, talking and laughing. They line up for breakfast.

"Did you hear Captain MacCullagh just got engaged?" Sam asks. Daniel had and he can see she's still wearing the ring even though technically she shouldn't have any jewelry on when she's in uniform and on-duty.

"I think her fiance is like a botanist or something," Daniel says.

"He owns the nursery down on Powers. I'm not sure that makes him a botanist, though..." she says.

"Did you know engagement rings started in ancient Egypt?"

"Really?" she says.

"I sort of think... well, the circle represented the never ending cycle of life, obviously-"

"Obviously," she says dryly.

"But the center," he continues, undeterred, "the space inside the circle represented a gateway. Sound familiar?"

"You think we all wear engagement rings because of the Stargate?" she asks.

"I've heard crazier theories," he says with a smirk.

"Pyramids as landing pads for spaceships?" she offers.

She licks a bit of gravy from her spoon.

"I miss Teal'c," she says suddenly.

"But not Jack?" he says, teasingly.

She falters a bit, smiling too big and says, "Of course." Then she pushes her tray away from her and says, "You're right. I could use some rest."

"I didn't mean-"

"We can have lunch, okay?" she says. She doesn't wait for him to answer. She just pushes her chair back and leaves him to bus her tray.

He looks over at Captain MacCullagh who is pretending to listen to her Colonel but just can't stop sneaking glances at her ring.

There's the nagging sensation of feeling like an ass, but Daniel won't apologize to Sam later. Sam knows what is right and what is wrong and they are all just doing their best.

**3.**

"What does it say about a person that I'm indifferent about being thrown in an alien prison?" Daniel asks.

"You weren't always," says Sam. "Not in the beginning."

She has produced a metal nail file from somewhere and is working on her left thumb. Jack is watching her like he wants to grab the nail file and jam it hard into the ground. Sam glances up like she knows she's bothering Jack but doesn't tuck the file away.

Next to Daniel, Teal'c is trying to Kel'no'reem.

"I think I've become jaded," Daniel says. "That's all I mean."

"Great," Jack snaps. "Now something horrible is going to happen to us!"

"What?" Daniel asks.

"You are tempting the wrath of the universe by being bored with the situation," Jack says, aggressively pointing his finger toward Daniel.

"No I'm not," Daniel says, though they all shut up to listen hard for a second. At least it's not a Goa'uld prison. Rather, this is one of those situations where they've unintentionally blasphemed against the local religion and are now behind rusty bars in the local jail while whoever is in charge decides what to do with them. It would not be all that difficult to break out of this holding cell but it's been pouring rain since they came through the gate and staying overnight in this cell is actually much dryer than the tents they brought. There's even hay so they aren't directly on the cold, hard ground.

Daniel has stayed in worse hotels.

Sam drags the nail file one last time loudly over her thumb and then starts on her index finger.

"I swear to God, Carter," Jack says.

"What?" she asks.

"Put that thing away."

"My fingernails got all jagged climbing that stone wall-" she says.

"Are you disobeying my order because you broke a nail?" he asks in disbelief.

"I wasn't aware that was an order, sir," she says, and shoves the nail file back into her vest pocket.

They seethe silently at each other.

"Um," Daniel says. "What's the matter with you two?"

"Nothing," they say at the same time.

"Do you wish me dead, O'Neill?" Teal'c asks.

"What?" he says. "No!"

"Then be quiet or I will not be able to achieve Kel'no'reem and I will perish," Teal'c says.

Jack swears under his breath and Sam rolls her eyes.

"Are you two fighting?" Daniel presses.

"Daniel," Jack says. "Don't kill Teal'c."

"I'm just asking," he says. "You and Sam have been bickering all day."

"Go to sleep, Daniel, that's an order," Jack says.

Daniel opens his mouth again but he sees, in the low light, Sam shake her head.

"Fine," Daniel says. He fluffs his small stack of hay, tucks his glasses into his pocket, and closes his eyes. The sound of the rain is comforting and it lulls him to sleep.

He wakes up, maybe a couple hours later, to angry whispers.

"Because," Jack is saying. He's trying to be quiet but Daniel can hear each sibilant hiss. "You and I both know that's now how it's supposed to work."

"Maybe you know how it is supposed to work," Sam snaps back. "I'm still trying to figure it out."

"It doesn't have to be this hard," Jack says.

"It is hard," Sam says. "I thought it was hard for you, too!"

"I just mean," Jack says and pauses to take a quiet, calming breath. "I just mean try not to think about it too much."

Sam laughs, hollow and cold and Jack shushes her. Daniel keeps his eyes closed.

"Not thinking is your gift, not mine," Sam says. "Sir."

"I'm sorry," Jack whispers. "Sam, I'm sorry."

"I know," Sam says. "But you… we can't just… I can't just undo it. I can't take it back. You can't either."

"We'll figure this out," he promises. "Just trust me. Do you trust me?"

"Yes," Sam says. "I-"

"O'Neill," Teal'c says loudly. "It is time for my watch."

Sam clams up, tucking her chin into her knees.

Daniel elbows Teal'c, upset that he didn't get more information. Teal'c elbows him back - hard.

Just before dawn, the rain lets up.

"Major," Jack says. "Get us out of here, please."

Sam pulls the nail file back out and reaches around the bars to jimmy the old lock. The door swings open.

"Nail file," she says smugly as they exit.

"Oh, shut up," says Jack, but he touches her back lightly, like an apology.

**2.**

Daniel wakes up in the infirmary, as so often he does, and is careful not to move. Moving tends to hurt when he wakes up to the loud beeping of his own monitored heart.

He wiggles his toes and that goes okay. He wiggles his fingers and realizes someone is holding his hand. He opens his eyes and though everything is bright and blurry, he can recognize the blonde shape of Sam.

"Hey," he says.

"Hey," she whispers. Her voice sounds watery and thick, like she does when she's been crying or has a bad cold.

He tries to sit up a little and that's when the pain announces itself - burning throughout his midsection.

"Ow," he says.

"You were grazed by a staff weapon," she says.

"Are my glasses…?"

"Here," she says and leans over him to place them on his face. She smells clean, like base soap, and when he focuses on her he can see that she has been crying. She doesn't have any makeup on and she's wearing medical scrubs instead of her BDUs. She has a bandage wrapped around one arm. "Better?"

"Um," he says. "I don't remember."

"It's okay," she says. It's not her most convincing performance because she bites her lips and her eyes well up.

"Where are the others?" he asks, a cold feeling settling in his chest.

"Teal'c went to Chulak to speak with Bra'tac about the Jaffa attack we encountered," Sam says. "Colonel O'Neill went home."

"Oh," Daniel says. "So everyone is okay?"

"Yeah," she says. "Except you."

"I mean," Daniel says. "I'm going to make it, right?"

She smiles through her weepy tears and nods. "Of course."

"Then why are you crying?"

"Because I thought for a moment you were going to die and I'm relieved!" she says, only soundly slightly exasperated. It helps her to stop crying, anyway.

"Oh," he says. "Well, I just…"

"What?" she says.

"I thought something had happened to Jack, is all," he admits. She wipes her nose on the back of her hand and the back of her hand on the leg of her scrubs.

"Why would I be sitting at your bedside if Colonel O'Neill was the one badly hurt?" she asks.

"Do you sit at his bedside?" Daniel asks. "Alone, I mean?"

"No!" she says. She looks at her lap. "Sometimes, when he's unconscious." She clears her throat and then says quickly, "I would do it for any of you."

"Okay," he says evenly.

"Shut up, Daniel," she says. "God. Make a lady regret being glad you're alive."

Daniel wants to laugh, but he holds it in because it would hurt to do so. They're quiet for a moment.

"I'm glad he's okay, though," Daniel says.

"Me too," she agrees.

**1.**

It's one of those impromptu gatherings on Jack's back deck where he soaks meat in alcohol and then scorches it beyond all recognition in the name of team bonding. Daniel has learned to bring a salad every time Jack invites them over for team night just in case. Sam offers to swing by and pick him up and he accepts because his breaks have been making that horrible metal on metal grinding noise that means it's probably time to start looking at new cars.

When Sam knocks on his door, she's got a helmet under each arm and a shit eating grin on her face.

"Um." Daniel scratches his head. "You didn't."

"I did," she says. "Come on, it'll be fun."

"But what about my salad?" he asks. They both look at the counter, the square tupperware full of leafy greens.

"I'll put it in the side box, it'll be fine," she says. "Come on."

Down on the street, he watches Sam tuck the tupperware into the side box and click it closed. He holds his helmet with some trepidation. He understands Sam's wild streak but generally she does not bring it to other planets and he does not participate in it at home on Earth. She's wearing tight jeans, heavy boots and a leather jacket that has one of those slanted zippers. Her short hair looks mussed from her helmet and though she always wears makeup, this is what he calls her weekend makeup. It's thicker, darker, and her eyes seem bluer with the black eyeliner winged out towards her temples.

"You look really nice, Sam," Daniel says. He means it. Sam is beautiful, tall and strong and smart. And on top of all of that, she's one of his best friends because she is compassionate and kind. He wonders why he's never seriously thought about pursuing her romantically. And then he realizes that by the time he was over Sha're, it was clear that Daniel wasn't the one Sam was interested in.

"Don't try to sweet talk your way out of this," she says. "Helmet on."

"I don't ride a lot of motorcycles," he says.

"Just hold on," she says. "Move with me, move naturally. Don't try to lean too far one way or the other to compensate. I know what I'm doing, I'll keep us safe."

She always does.

They put on their helmets and she swings her leg over and straddles the bike. He gets on behind her. There's space, but not a lot, and he has to sit flush against her, his arms wrapped around the narrowest part of her torso. The helmets are full helmets that cover their faces, so he can't really say anything to her, but that's okay. He makes sure his feet are up out of the way on the little rests provided for a passenger and she starts the motorcycle with a loud, showy noise. And then they're off.

It's not that exciting at first, because he lives downtown and the speed limit in this busy, pedestrian area is low. But Jack lives on the edge of town and once they get out onto the highway, she speeds up and he hugs her tighter. She leans back into him a little, maybe offering comfort. After a few minutes, he does get a little more comfortable with it and instead of holding on for dear life, he just lets his hands rest on her hips and looks around at the scenery passing by. At the blur of trees and cars and little houses, at all of the things he ignores when he is in a car.

She slows down again as she eases into Jack's older neighborhood, all houses built in the 50s and 60s, set back farther from the street and surrounded by big trees. Jack has an aspen in his yard that gets so brilliantly yellow in the fall that Daniel had kept a few of the fallen leaves one year and still has them pressed in between the pages of one of his old journals.

Daniel sees the smoke from the grill out back as they pull into the driveway next to Jack's truck. When she kills the engine, he pulls off his helmet and takes a deep breath.

"Okay?" Sam asks, pulling off her own helmet and hanging it from one of the handlebars.

"Yeah," he says, reaching out to ruffle her hair a little. "That was fun." He lets his chin rest on her shoulder for a moment and she allows this intimacy. "I love you, Sam."

"I love you, too," she says, a little laughter in her voice. "What's up with you?"

"Nothing," he says. "Just ready for some team bonding, I think."

"Well you're in luck," Sam says. "Colonel O'Neill said on the phone earlier that Teal'c has discovered Jenga and we all are ordered to play."

"I'll bet he's pretty good at that game," Daniel says, climbing off of the bike, his hand on her shoulder.

"Probably," she says. "It's just physics."

"Everything is just physics to you," he says. She dismounts the bike gracefully and grins, tucking the keys into the pocket of her leather coat.

"It sure is," she says. A little smugly. They're all going to lose at Jenga.

When Daniel turns to the house, Jack is just at the end of the deck, leaning on the railing and watching them. When he sees Daniel see him, he raises one hand in greeting.

Sam is busy retrieving Daniel's salad. Daniel goes on ahead and when he and Jack are in speaking distance, Jack says, "Got to ride the Indian, huh?"

"Nice?" he says. "I didn't die."

"Cool," Jack says.

"You've never had Sam take you for a ride?" Daniel asks.

Jack looks past Daniel, watching Sam with a pained expression.

"Not yet," he says.

Jack's house is warm and familiar and smells like spring because he keeps the sliding door open between the house and the deck, but the screen closed. Daniel feels as at home here as he does at his own apartment or on the base or sharing a tent with Jack or Sam or Teal'c on some other planet. They all seem pretty comfortable except for Sam who never takes off her shoes and is always looking over her shoulder at something, though he can never exactly pinpoint what. She looks like she wants to leave or is afraid to stay.

"Teal'c can take me home," Daniel offers after dinner when he and Sam stand at the sink, washing up.

"Huh?" she asks.

"If you want to leave," he says.

"It's not that," she says, but doesn't elaborate.

Later, when Jack is too drunk to play a game that requires balance and a steady hand, Daniel plays against Teal'c while Sam advises them both. Jack sits in the armchair and watches them over the top of his beer bottle, his eyes heavy. It's past eleven and while they're used to keeping odd hours, they've also become good at adapting to whatever time zone they happen to be in. Daniel throws the game when he's tired of playing it, bumps into the tower with his hand and they all watch it fall.

"I guess we should hit the road," Sam says, her voice sounding low and sleepy.

"Go on," Daniel says. "Don't worry about me."

"You sure?" she asks. He nods.

"I'll walk you out, Carter," Jack says.

Daniel and Teal'c pick up the pieces of the game and bag them up and then, when they don't hear the Indian start, drift over to the window. Sam is on her bike already, but her helmet is still dangling from the handlebar and the one Daniel had worn has already been tucked away. Jack leans over the dashboard, resting on his forearms, suddenly awake and chatty. Sam throws her head back and laughs at something and Jack shifts his feet, leaning closer.

"I feel very deeply for them, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c says. "It is a great sorrow that I cannot express."

Daniel thinks about playing dumb but there isn't any point. They both see what is there. Sam reaches out to touch Jack's arm, right between his elbow and his shoulder on his bicep, but she doesn't. Her hand hangs in the air and then retreats once more, knowing better.

"I wouldn't ever say anything," Daniel offers.

"Nor I," Teal'c agrees.

Sam wouldn't do it, Daniel thinks. It would chafe too wildly against her military training and while Daniel thinks that Jack would gladly throw in the towel for Sam, he'd also never do anything to jeopardize her career.

Finally, Sam puts on her helmet and Jack reaches out and knocks on it, a look of pure affection crinkling his eyes in the yellow porch light. Sam starts the bike and drives off and Jack stands there with his hands in his pockets. Eventually, he rubs his hands over his face and shakes his head and comes back inside to find Daniel and Teal'c still at the window.

"I don't want to talk about it," Jack says.

"Talk about what?" Daniel says, feeling kind.

"How much more beer I am going to drink tonight," Jack answers, taking the bait and disappearing into the kitchen.

Teal'c crosses his arms and lifts his chin.

"We should stay with him tonight, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c says.

"Yeah," Daniel agrees. "We should."


End file.
